Itching for a Break!

I am hiding in the house because  I am being eaten by things and I can't take it anymore.

Listen; yesterday I was outside just standing under the trees. I looked up at the sky, the sun, the singing birds. I watched the lizards playing, felt the gentle breeze, I could hear the distant waves. Spring is coming, soon I'll be home. Life is good.  Aren't I lucky to be able to live here? Isn't it a wonderful world? 

 UNTIL MY FEET CAUGHT FIRE.

I looked down and I was standing on an ant nest. I'm in flip flops and they were all over my feet. I'm stamping, brushing swatting and they're biting away. Ever stand in acid? Ever stand on a lit BBQ? It's like that. 

Actually it was pretty funny in an ironic way.  To be in the Zen moment, lost in the idyllic splendor of an Eden-like place, being at peace with your world, connected to the universe, then be jumping around like a madman because that same world turned on you.

The Ant Nest

 And it wasn't enough it happen once, it happened again this morning. This time I had shoes on but they got inside the shoes!  And no, Wise Guy, I was not standing in the same place. I got on THIS nest by avoiding the OTHER nest. It was too much to take. I had to grab the hose and blast the little chompers and my shoes, then rip the shoes off and wait for the sting to subside all the time massaging my feet. You see people walking around barefoot, wearing skimpy sundresses, sitting on the ground watching the waves - all MISTAKES. 

Not all ants bite, the medium black ones do, the red fire ants, the small red ants. I don't know about the mini mini ants. What am I saying? Who cares about who bites and who doesn't? Biters, non-biters.... they ALL bite and you will be bitten!!!! You ... can ....not .... win.

What's cool about all this is when I go back to the States there is nothing that scares me. I am prepared. I am desensitized. I am a warrior. Carpenter bees, paper wasps under the shed roof, Stink Bugs, hornets, ants, Wolf Spiders... bring it on! They've got nothing on these bugs.The mosquitoes at home are slow and you can see them coming a mile away. Not like the invisible stealth skeeters here that carry Dengue Fever and you don't realize they got you till you feel that intense itch and burn.

 I was doing some outside work and broke into this termite cafeteria. I saw what had happened and was able to step away but if I hadn't there would have been hell to pay! You get termites in your pants and you will know about it. If Bob's your uncle and Fanny's your aunt, your pants will be off while you try to find the little chewing machine. They do an impressive job on trees, your butt is no challenge. While they bustled to repair the damage about 5 lizards came to pick them off. The lizards were getting bitten, making them jump and shake their feet.That could have been me.

I hear termites are high in protein.

What are these red, hard lumps?  They don't itch, they just sit there forever. They don't change and they don't go away. What is doing this and when? What if they turn into some kind of weird island tropical cancer? What if something laid eggs in my skin? I've watched the Discovery Channel, I know about these things.... I don't want to be on the menu, I'm losing control!

This is what the internet says:

Fire ants are distinguished by their aggressive behavior, particularly if their nest/mound is disturbed. When this occurs numerous fire ants will quickly rush out of the mound and attack the intruder. They are notorious for their painful, burning sting that results in intense itching and a pustule that resembles a painful pimple.
Infection may occur if it is broken. People unlucky enough to disturb a fire ant colony are seldom stung just once; dozens or even hundreds of stings can be inflicted in a very short time. Some people can have an allergic reaction to fire ant stings that range from rashes and swelling to paralysis or anaphylactic shock. In rare cases, severe allergic reactions can cause death.


Oh great.

I really should avoid the internet. 

But these weren't fire ants. Just mean black ants, and face it, I was pretty dumb to be standing on their nest. 
The Travel Doctor explains the difference between a venomous and non-venomous bite or sting. Basically, a venomous bite can cause a toxic reaction, a non-venomous one can cause an allergic reaction. Both are annoying and unpleasant, even if you don't get some incurable disease that shows up years later caused by a protozoan parasite, you're someone's lunch. One wants to get you because you made them mad, the other wants to suck your blood so they can live to make more biting things.

Oh geez... now I have one on my FACE! It's been 6 days and it's not going away, not doing anything - just this red, hard lump. It's still there; a red... hard... lump. It makes me look like an idiot.

All this ant talk reminds me .... who remembers the 1950's movie "The Naked Jungle" with Charleton Heston ? He had to protect his plantation in the Amazon from the army ants. That was a GREAT movie. Heston did a typically wonderful Heston job in this, you love to hate him. I love Charleton Heston, what a hunk.

 

I had bugs on my face in my dreams last night. You know how a beetle has these sticky barbed feet? Doesn't feel good , does it? I felt this on my face under my eye. I went from sound asleep dreamland to waking nightmare. I was rubbing my face and brushing the sheets in case whatever it was was now in the bed. I go to bed every night with a sense of dread, not the soft relief rest brings. My toes scratch my itchy feet activating the toxins, my fingers itch between them, I had a bite under my rings and had to take them off. And you don't want to open the bumps scratching.

I was doing email when a movement caught my eye; a creepy flat spider thing about 2 inches long goes running in a mad dash SIDEWAYS across the wall.  After a while living with bugs one on one, it gets on your nerves. Mine anyway.

George is not immune either. When I told him about this "bug on the face" event last night, he said he was "dreaming"  someone was pulling the sheets off, that the sheets were moving on his body. He woke to find himself standing on the bed ready to fight. Standing! Well yeah, it's those cockroaches, Palmetto bugs. Whatever - they're big and gross. This is why I never walk from the bed to the bathroom in bare feet.

Actual Size

We don't usually get so nutty about bugs, I don't mind bugs, snakes, crawlies as a rule. But when there are always so many and each one is a crunchy infiltrator who wants to drink your blood so you get these unpleasant reactions, then we start to get paranoid and touchy. The house is really better than a lot of people's here, we work at it, but you can't stop them all. 

No-See-Um Zillion Times Bigger

So I'm staying in today. It's a steamy and thick 85 degrees. We've got some AC on to dry the place out, get some relief. With the AC on the outside world disappears, which isn't why you're here. If you want to sit in the AC, go to Philadelphia, but damn it, if I don't get away from toxic things crawling on me and biting me to the point where I'm jumping out of my skin if even a stray hair falls across my arm, I will be driven insane. 

Tomorrow I'll be ready to re-join the battle.